No one wants to feel like she’s begging for a ring on her finger, but it can feel that way when you’ve dated a man who has professed his undying devotion, but still fails to ask for your hand in marriage. What’s up with that?

There can be a number of problems, but let’s consider the worst to the best case scenarios. If you feel you know this man well, and he has disclosed his innermost to you, the hold up might be that while he loves you, he really does not envision marriage as part of his future. Have you asked him if he is interested in marriage? Interestingly, we often wake up in circumstances we do not understand and do not desire because we failed to ask the right questions. While I hope it isn’t the case for you, there is always a possibility that marriage will not be forthcoming in your current relationship and it is time to move on to more likely prospects.

But, what if the two of you have discussed marriage, and all else under the sun, and the question still isn’t popping as you’d planned? Finding the solution will mean helping him to acknowledge his fears because fear is at the crux of most failed relationships.

• Ask yourself how well you really know each other. What do you have in common and where in your relationship might you experience a divide as wide as the Continental? Often, there is one area in a relationship that holds one party at a distance from commitment. For example: do you come from similar backgrounds? Many of us are intimidated by our partner’s family and lifestyle. Could he feel uncomfortable about melding his life with yours? Maybe the love of your life doesn’t feel good enough to marry you or maybe he feels his family will never accept yours. Either way, it can prevent a marriage from happening and you need to know that now.
• Are you scaring the heck out of him with your expectations for a glamorous wedding? What kind of a ceremony does he envision—a church, a garden, or on top of a mountain? How do you see your wedding? Do your visions match?
• How traditional are your views about marriage? If you are traditional in every way but think your husband-to-be or his family should pay for the wedding, is it standing in his way of commitment? Maybe he fears he can’t meet your expectations and continually comes up with an excuse to delay the day or the proposal.
• Where are you going on your honeymoon or are you going on one at all? If your dream is a week in the sun and his is going through ancient digs, even this seemingly small detail could be hanging him up.

If you really want this man in your life and are ready to hear the magic words, take the time to know his innermost concerns. No matter what the hold up, it stems from a communication failure and that failure is generally a result of fear. He likely adores you, but something is thwarting his ability to ask you for a lifetime commitment. Until you help him talk about it, the only knot likely to be tied will be the ones in your stomach from the long wait to get him to the alter.

Once you pinpoint the fear, you can take action to work your miracles of compassion and understanding and help him build up the confidence to say “I do.” Will you?

Is the experience of a new grandbaby current, a past memory or maybe it’s non-existent? What about reflecting on giving birth to a child of your own? Surely you’ve paid visits to friends. We have three tools to add to the toolbox of thriving in 2005, by learning from new life. New life and miracles are synonymous. The entire nine-month process of gestation in itself is profound, let alone the actual act of childbirth and all its wonder. Then once that sweet soul arrives home, a new chapter begins with all the lessons a grandparent, parent, family and friends can benefit from, if open to receive them.

The definition of nurture in the computer dictionary is “to give tender care and protection to a child, a young animal or a plant, helping it to grow and develop.” Nurture also means, “to encourage somebody or something to grow, develop, thrive and be successful.” It is interesting to note the absence of nurturing one self as part of the definition.

A new relationship is in the making when a newborn comes into a family. A vital form of nurturing is through food. The infant requires total focus and attention in each moment. Are they getting enough of the formula? Is it coming too fast or too slow? Is she frantic or more relaxed while suckling? All our attention is centered on providing the baby with satisfying her needs.

Tool #1: What about your current relationship? Are you giving it the focus, time and attention it needs? Whether it’s with a mate, child, parent, friend, partner, sibling or yourself—if it’s important to you, it deserves attention. This may necessitate you taking care of yourself, through whatever means you feel nurtured. You warrant the focus and attention to nurture yourself through quiet time, healthy meals, creative and passionate expression, whatever speaks to the yearning of your soul. In addition, it is important to take the time to feed the loved ones that are meaningful in your life. A wise suggestion from centenarians (those folks that have been on the planet for over 100 years), is to never take someone for granted. We never know when we say good-bye if it’s for the last time.

Tool #2: Adjusting to a new baby is constantly incorporating the “what works, what doesn’t work” theory. Always looking for a more productive and effective way of running a tight ship for the purpose of serving the needs of the baby is always the priority. Organizing the feeding station so it works efficiently as well as realizing that having well-meaning friends and family over during the evenings is something that doesn’t work. With the adjustments comes the “C” word. Charles Darwin said it best, “It is not the strongest of the species that survive, nor the most intelligent, but the one most responsive to change.”

Are you making the necessary changes to allow your relationship to flow more gently and effortlessly? Or are you assuming that eventually the other person will accommodate you and your desires? If you’re waiting for someone else to change, you’re looking at a red flag—a blatant sign and demand for introspection. Open up the dialogue, expressing your needs, communicating with intention and clarity, and be willing to keep on keeping on until you have reached an understanding. Once the habit is acquired, you never go back to the old way. You experience what works and what doesn’t.

Tool #3: Lastly, the world would be a more peaceful place to inhabit if we all could see in our relationships what we intuitively sense as we gaze at new life. What would that be for you? It could be called innocence, beauty, perfection, wisdom, peace and the presence of a soul—the essence—creative intelligence—force behind the cosmos—that which exists in each of us, regardless of shape, size, color, height, religious or sexual preferences. Know that soul has its own purpose, journey, and gifts to discover in this lifetime and trust the process. Just imagine what life would be like if each of us brought this new life—this new perspective—to our relationships.

As the last of these summer months unfold, you are encouraged to take responsibility for the quality of your relationships, including the one with yourself. Start now with a phone call to that special someone, a lunch date or a walk through nature just being real, using your new tools of focus and attention, being open to change and honoring the soul towards each member of your global family.