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June 24, 2009
Did your father teach you through his absence or presence?
Tools That Can Change Your Life:
I’m in Ohio for a family reunion and the celebration of my sister’s 60th wedding anniversary (more on that next week). I happened to read an article in Parade Magazine from the Cleveland Plain Dealer that was written by our President, entitled, “We Need Fathers To Step Up.” Although Father’s Day has come and gone, the words warrant being shared to my readers, in the event you missed it.
Most of us know that President Obama was raised without the presence of his father. “My father left my family when I was 2 years old, and I knew him mainly from the letters he wrote and the stories my family told.” Two years of age is a most tender and important time in the life of a child. Their little brains are like sponges, absorbing their environment without the ability to filter out negativity and false beliefs. “”I came to understand that the hole a man leaves when he abandons his responsibility to his children is one that no government can fill.”
Our son-in-law has been extremely busy with completing his schooling for a paramedic career and I can easily observe the difference of our 4 year-old twin granddaughters when he is gone verses when he is home. They seem to respond more readily when asked to do something as well as pay attention when limits are set. It’s most apparent that a father’s role modeling is different then mom’s. The masculine energy is logical, linear, nuts and bolts—equally as important to the feminine energy, which is predominately spatial, intuitive and creative. A child needs both for balance. I’ve always had compassion for the single mom—as capable and competent as she is. It’s a big job and I guess I’m of the ole school that says, “it take a set of parents, as well as a village to raise a child.” And, I have come to learn that we all do the best we can with what we have at each moment—including the president’s father.
Our parents provided a rather typical lifestyle for us girls. While Daddy worked 6 days a week at the furniture store he and his brothers owned, mom cooked wonderful meals, kept the house clean, sewed clothes for us and was always there when we came home from school. She was a committed homemaker. Although I don’t recall hearing, “I love you,” as a child, or “you have a special gift that we will help you to grow and nurture,” or, “snuggle time at night is a highpoint of my day,” I felt loved and cared for by my parents. Once I took totally responsibility for my life and stopped blaming and making them wrong for not providing me with more tools to deal with life, I became a happier person. Deep appreciation, understanding and empathy were the words associated with my childhood memories of my parents. I am grateful beyond words that my father was a part of my childhood, as well as my mother.
My husband sacrificed not being at many of our children’s school activities because he drove a long distance to his job so we could enjoy the fruits of living in a small beach community. When he was there, he was there- engaged with each of us, always cognizant of our needs being met. Our son is a pilot and is gone frequently. But when he is home, he is present and involved with his daughter’s lives, also doing his very best to offer them a solid foundation for their future. I honor them both on this Father’s Day 2009 for their commitment to their families above anything else.
Affirmation
Today I am filled with gratitude for my childhood, regardless of pain or pleasure. I am resilient, I am unlimited and I will always choose to find the gift in any situation.
Quote:
Too often, especially during tough economic times like these, we are emotionally absent; distracted... Our children can tell. They know when we’re not fully there. And that disengagement sends a clear message—whether we mean it or not—about where among our priorities they fall.
President Barack Obama
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