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Help! I Married My Father
The mind-body connection can reveal the hidden
beliefs that you may be holding onto tenaciously. Parents’
core values and beliefs about raising children and life in general,
are passed through the generations unless detected, released and
replaced with those supportive of your journey. If you are holding
onto self-sabotaging beliefs, they will show up in all areas of
your life, including your relationships, especially your marriage.
If your husband is a control freak, there’s a good chance
your father was too. Check out the following case of a woman, who
found peace in her family life, by revisiting her past to uncover
the beliefs that were creating her current situation.
No, this isn’t a story for
a Jerry Springer episode. This woman didn’t actually marry
her father. She did, however, end up with a man very similar to
him. Sound familiar? We often invite people into our lives that
are "copies" of those from the past. The reason for
the repeat is a result of our underlying beliefs.
This client arrived at the office suffering from unbearable
sores in her mouth, as well as other aches and pains, and a loss of
love in her marriage. She wasn’t sleeping well and awoke in
the night in a fit of panic for no obvious reason.
Her main complaint, however, involved her marriage.
She claimed that she had a psychologically absent husband and that
he provided no emotional support or comfort. She felt distant and
removed from him. They tried date nights but were unsuccessful. Any
attempt to communicate made her feel further away. When husband and
wife no longer talk, the sense of loneliness is magnified. "I
don’t feel safe with him," she claimed. "I live
a life almost separate from my husband , and my children and I do
our own thing."
In our session, we immediately looked to her past
for answers. She recalled memories of her father, a powerful and prestigious
man. He had a large presence that filled the room and portrayed confidence
in all of his ventures. He spent most of his time in the office, and
on the rare occasions she saw him, he would shrug her away. As a child,
she craved time and attention from her father, but he had no time
for her or for demonstrations of love in her direction.
As an adult, her beliefs became:
"My father doesn’t
have time for me."
"I’m not important."
" I’m not loved."
"I’m not worthy
of love."
"I don’t matter."
"If I let myself be who
I really am, I won’t be loved."
Her mother was insecure and depressed in the relationship,
never wanting to attend the events her husband demanded of her, but
she upheld the perfect wife routine for as long as she could. Eventually,
after the death of a close family member, her parents divorced. During
her middle school years, they moved in with more family members and
she only saw her dad once a year. She remembers the constant criticisms
of her father by her mother, and the anger that never subsided even
into her mother’s older years.
Eventually she was able to tap into the unconscious
and self-sabotaging beliefs about herself and about her worthiness
in love. She was able to move from identities of insignificant, stupid,
invisible, transparent, unworthy, unentertaining, dull, and small
to those that recognized and supported her value, intelligence, worthiness,
personality and greatness as a woman. She realized it was okay to
be herself and that self-acceptance, when fully embraced, is enough
to move us into new heights.
In no time, her appearance changed to express more
happiness, she felt physically stronger, more connected and more in
touch with her husband. The sores she had complained about, and that
had been bothering her for months, were entirely gone. Rather than
turning away from the man she love, she felt confident and safe while
reaching out to him.
"It’s like magic!" she exclaimed, about
the sudden, positive shifts in her life.
Tapping into forgotten beliefs and releasing them
can feel like magic. When your father is too busy to spend time with
you, your husband might be the same, simply because that is the programming
with which you were parented or the programming he received about
husband behavior from his own father. Your belief system is so ingrained,
that it literally creates the life it has experienced repeatedly until
it is spotlighted, and you accept new and empowering beliefs!
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