|
|
Reviving Your Modern Romance
Make the Romance
Effortless and Natural Again
There comes a time in every relationship
for Romance 101. Whether it’s marriage romance you’re
seeking to rekindle or you’re eager to fully express feelings
of love in a new partnership, modern romance is a demanding venture.
True, the reward is tremendous, but getting there is a constant
exercise in expressing feelings, personal responsibility, and breaking
down areas of total resistance. But what a journey! Dedicate yourself
to this path and know that with every night of great romance you
are expressing and expanding your true self.
Have feelings of love and romance
faded in your relationship? Well, the good news is that if you have
this type of feelings, you’re not alone. Even Rhett and Scarlet
had their less-than-sexy moments. Most relationships have their
dry spells. Marriage romance and the dating spark dissipate when
tension mounts. But here’s a little Romance 101—find
the source of this tension and express feelings so that romance
will pour forth like Old Faithful.
This takes some detective work.
Don your hat and get out your magnifying glass. Are you willing
to claim personal responsibility? When did things start to "drizzle"?
What was going on in each of your lives when you first sensed betrayed
love or torn feelings?
After taking some time with
those questions, be willing to let go of any blame—of yourself
or of your mate. Remember, in modern romance there is no way to
change the other person. You must begin with yourself and identify
your areas of total resistance. If these statements make you snicker,
good! Your resistance is surfacing. It may not look like it, but
resistance is your friend. It’s like a red flag for the type
of feelings holding you back. Pay attention to your resistance.
(Wondering why resistance is useful? In just five days transform
resistance into acceptance and free up your life’s energy
for real progress—including revving up you romance, work,
or personal goals.)
Now you’re ready to do the real work:
- Feel what you are feeling. Maybe you are angry
with your mate. Maybe you feel ugly or sad or inadequate. Perhaps
you feel the loss of romance has betrayed love on your partnership.
What are YOU feeling? Expressing feelings holds the keys to the
doors of truth, and when you open these doors, a new world is
presented to you. If you can’t recall a recent night of
great romance, then there is a message there for you and your
mate. It is a chance to IMPROVE your relationship, an opportunity
to go deeper with your mate. Look at the situation from a new
perspective. There is a reason this is happening, but if you want
the situation to change, you must make a choice to change your
attitude and your beliefs.
- Did you feel whatever it is you are feeling? Now, feel
the feeling even more. Exaggerate it. Whatever the feeling
is, let it come forth in all its ugliness and beauty. What images
come up for you? Are there any words or specific situations? Torn
feelings? Feelings of love or betrayed love? Trust what comes.
Remember that these feelings could be residue from something that
happened in a past relationship, even one from childhood. If nothing
comes, fine. If the feeling begins to wane, fine. Whatever is,
is. Let the feeling know that you recognize it, that you know
it is there and that you are taking care of it.
- Get in touch with what you want from this relationship
and take personal responsibility. When you feel ready,
take a pen and some paper and write down your thoughts about what
you just experienced. Then write down what you want from your
mate romantically. This could be physically, mentally, emotionally,
and spiritually. Decorate it with hearts and cupids if you feel
so moved. We are all unique beings with different desires and
needs. This exercise is for you.
It is a known fact that we all have
different ideas of what romance is. Do you know what your partner
finds romantic? If so, then make the effort to fulfill your partner’s
romantic desires. If not, ask! Remember, a pianist, no matter how
talented he or she may be, must still practice! Only with effort
will your romance become effortless once again. Only with a conscious
desire to change the situation will it begin to unfold in the way
you want it too.
Sometimes this may mean stepping
out of your box, breaking your routine, or taking a risk. After
all, I’ve never heard of boredom factoring into a night of
great romance. Suggest tango lessons or a trip to a nearby bed and
breakfast or even a Sunday drive! A shift needs to occur in the
relationship for the romance to start flowing again.
So break the dams of routine and see
what happens. Do the work and see what happens. Embarrass yourself—even
a little. Create some laughter and you create a lot of love. And
above all, have fun!
|
|
|
