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Turn Off The Bachelor or Bachelorette
Face Your Fears and Find a Partner
With all the people in the world, why is finding
a partner so challenging for so many? Why do we move from one relationship
to the next believing he or she will be different? What is the philosophy
of a nation that disposes of love like paper plates after a picnic
yet goes on in search of more of the same? What are we really looking
for, and why do we find it so illusive? Whether a bachelor or bachelorette,
it is time for us to get a life.
Millions of us sat on the edge of our seats as
the Bachelor Brian made one of the biggest decisions of his life.
After weeding out those unlikely to fit his needs as a perfect mate,
Brian chose between Tania and Mary, the two runners up for the final
rose and his proposal of marriage.
If you’ve been one of the millions watching
then you know that during the twelve-week segment, Brian dated pre-selected
eligible woman and throughout that time attempted to become familiar
with each of them by meeting their families, sharing in a variety
of activities, engaging in televised intimate moments, and expressing
feelings from an exposed heart space. All of this interaction, captured
on tape, was to bring him closer to “true love.” One
by one those who didn’t make the grade were let go.
Only Mary received the final rose during the romantic ceremony,
and under the watchful eye of millions, heart-broken Tania was escorted
to a stretch limo for a lonely ride home alone. The next segment,
The Bachelorette, is sure to get equal attention.
We live in a world of fast-fix and open disclosure
of nearly everything. What used to occur over time with ritualistic
dating and intimate vows of love, now takes entirely different turns.
Cutting ourselves off from the usual methods for meeting and mating,
many people have resorted to high-tech love in lieu of lonely nights.
Internet courting is on the rise and hints at a nation of lonely
people, each willing to put the word out through cyberspace that
they desire a partner, but unwilling to do the same in person. With
increased divorce rates, single seniors on the rise, and few ways
to meet a partner, the numbers of those seeking new avenues for
partner hunting continues to intensify. Now reality television can
capture what used to be the most intimate of emotions and occasions
and blast it out for all to witness.
With all the people in the world, why is finding
a partner so challenging for so many? Why do we move from one relationship
to the next believing he or she will be different? What is the philosophy
of a nation that disposes of love like paper plates after a picnic
yet goes on in search of more of the same? What are we really looking
for, and why do we find it so illusive?
For all the lonely love seekers out there, hot on
the trail of romance even at the risk of public humiliation, what
is your true intention in having a long-term relationship? How do
you envision your life--single, married, how? Look at your current
life circumstances. Are you experiencing quality relationships,
success, and health? What role do you think you play in
your single life? Here is the hot tip of the day. What you have
is what you wanted--what you intended.
It’s tough to look at, but be aware of the
truth in your life. We have what we want, what we prioritize
into our lives, what we place our focus on, and what we intended
to have all along. If our past relationships ended, and we continue
to believe it to be our partner’s fault, we are wise to look
closely at ourselves and take a personal inventory before we hook
up with yet another. We are the source of our struggles,
the source of our own successes and yes, the source of our failures.
Accept that single idea and as if a genie granted your secret desire,
all your dreams can come true.
Only after you accept that you are accountable
for your current marital status, can you bring another individual
into your life for a partnership that has lasting qualities. In
the meantime, watching The Bachelor (an entirely unrealistic view
of love and marriage), searching the Internet or haunting the local
bar is not going to solve your mate-less dilemma. What do you want?
Take the steps necessary and you can have it. It’s that simple.
Taking your personal, self-assessing inventory
doesn’t have to take years, but you should realize that each
of us have personal junk stored up from the past, not the least
of which are beliefs that hold us back and keep us tethered to repeating
the same behaviors or make our lives and often our partner’s
lives miserable. Following are a few steps you can take to become
the partner you want to discover in another.
- Write down what you want
in a partner. Ask yourself the following questions:
- What values would you like your partner to
demonstrate, e.g. how do they feel about honesty, trustworthiness--even
the environment in which they choose to live.
- What is their main source of entertainment,
e.g. indoor or outdoor, social, anti-social, etc.
- How do they feel about money, diet, sex,
spirituality/religion. Each of these areas is a strong
contributor to harmony or disharmony in every relationship.
- Decide to become the person you would want in
a partner. No, I’m not suggesting a man dress in a housedress
or a woman enter the men’s room; I’m suggesting that
you demonstrate the qualities that you would want in another.
- Choose to enter into a relationship for one simple,
very realistic reason—to experience happiness. The primary
reason for relationships is for our personal happiness. If
our relationships are not that, then we have work to do before
they can be.
Fear often keeps us from self-exploration.
Perhaps we are afraid of what we’ll discover, or we believe
we’re defective in some way and can’t be fixed. Maybe
deep down we perceive ourselves as unworthy of love and fear rejection.
Our fears might be what motivate us to put a television or computer
between us and the physical world and relationships. Maybe your
excuse is not having enough time to meet people or not knowing where
to find a partner. If you have time for television, time
to surf the net, and time for everything else you do, you have time
to attract someone to love.
Once you put the wheels of personal change in motion,
you will have a relationship if that is what you sincerely want.
Wild horses couldn’t keep a partner from you if you have truly
intended that one be a part of your life. You could meet him/her
on the subway, at the dry cleaners or buying chocolate at the Godiva
counter. It isn’t where you meet someone, but who you are
when you do. Today, take stock of you, your life, your level of
happiness, and the people you love. Carry yourself over the threshold
of facing your own personal fears, getting your own life in order.
Once you are on the uphill side of knowing and loving yourself,
you will be met with someone to love, honor and cherish. Until that
time, shut off the TV, sign off the computer and do your homework
to get a life you can enjoy.
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