The Attitude Doc- Relationship Articles


There comes a time in every relationship for Romance 101. Whether it’s marriage romance you’re seeking to rekindle or you’re eager to fully express feelings of love in a new partnership, modern romance is a demanding venture. True, the reward is tremendous, but getting there is a constant exercise in expressing feelings, personal responsibility, and breaking down areas of total resistance. But what a journey! Dedicate yourself to this path and know that with every night of great romance you are expressing and expanding your true self.

Have feelings of love and romance faded in your relationship? Well, the good news is that if you have this type of feelings, you’re not alone. Even Rhett and Scarlet had their less-than-sexy moments. Most relationships have their dry spells. Marriage romance and the dating spark dissipate when tension mounts. But here’s a little Romance 101—find the source of this tension and express feelings so that romance will pour forth like Old Faithful.

This takes some detective work. Don your hat and get out your magnifying glass. Are you willing to claim personal responsibility? When did things start to “drizzle”? What was going on in each of your lives when you first sensed betrayed love or torn feelings?

After taking some time with those questions, be willing to let go of any blame—of yourself or of your mate. Remember, in modern romance there is no way to change the other person. You must begin with yourself and identify your areas of total resistance. If these statements make you snicker, good! Your resistance is surfacing. It may not look like it, but resistance is your friend. It’s like a red flag for the type of feelings holding you back. Pay attention to your resistance. (Wondering why resistance is useful? In just five days transform resistance into acceptance and free up your life’s energy for real progress—including revving up you romance, work, or personal goals.)

Now you’re ready to do the real work:

  1. Feel what you are feeling. Maybe you are angry with your mate. Maybe you feel ugly or sad or inadequate. Perhaps you feel the loss of romance has betrayed love on your partnership. What are YOU feeling? Expressing feelings holds the keys to the doors of truth, and when you open these doors, a new world is presented to you. If you can’t recall a recent night of great romance, then there is a message there for you and your mate. It is a chance to IMPROVE your relationship, an opportunity to go deeper with your mate. Look at the situation from a new perspective. There is a reason this is happening, but if you want the situation to change, you must make a choice to change your attitude and your beliefs.
  2. Did you feel whatever it is you are feeling? Now, feel the feeling even more. Exaggerate it. Whatever the feeling is, let it come forth in all its ugliness and beauty. What images come up for you? Are there any words or specific situations? Torn feelings? Feelings of love or betrayed love? Trust what comes. Remember that these feelings could be residue from something that happened in a past relationship, even one from childhood. If nothing comes, fine. If the feeling begins to wane, fine. Whatever is, is. Let the feeling know that you recognize it, that you know it is there and that you are taking care of it.
  3. Get in touch with what you want from this relationship and take personal responsibility. When you feel ready, take a pen and some paper and write down your thoughts about what you just experienced. Then write down what you want from your mate romantically. This could be physically, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually. Decorate it with hearts and cupids if you feel so moved. We are all unique beings with different desires and needs. This exercise is for you.

It is a known fact that we all have different ideas of what romance is. Do you know what your partner finds romantic? If so, then make the effort to fulfill your partner’s romantic desires. If not, ask! Remember, a pianist, no matter how talented he or she may be, must still practice! Only with effort will your romance become effortless once again. Only with a conscious desire to change the situation will it begin to unfold in the way you want it too.

Sometimes this may mean stepping out of your box, breaking your routine, or taking a risk. After all, I’ve never heard of boredom factoring into a night of great romance. Suggest tango lessons or a trip to a nearby bed and breakfast or even a Sunday drive! A shift needs to occur in the relationship for the romance to start flowing again.

So break the dams of routine and see what happens. Do the work and see what happens. Embarrass yourself—even a little. Create some laughter and you create a lot of love. And above all, have fun!