The Attitude Doc- Relationship Articles


The mind-body connection can reveal the hidden beliefs that you may be holding onto tenaciously. Parents’ core values and beliefs about raising children and life in general, are passed through the generations unless detected, released and replaced with those supportive of your journey. If you are holding onto self-sabotaging beliefs, they will show up in all areas of your life, including your relationships, especially your marriage. If your husband is a control freak, there’s a good chance your father was too. Check out the following case of a woman, who found peace in her family life, by revisiting her past to uncover the beliefs that were creating her current situation.

No, this isn’t a story for a Jerry Springer episode. This woman didn’t actually marry her father. She did, however, end up with a man very similar to him. Sound familiar? We often invite people into our lives that are “copies” of those from the past. The reason for the repeat is a result of our underlying beliefs.

This client arrived at the office suffering from unbearable sores in her mouth, as well as other aches and pains, and a loss of love in her marriage. She wasn’t sleeping well and awoke in the night in a fit of panic for no obvious reason. Her main complaint, however, involved her marriage. She claimed that she had a psychologically absent husband and that he provided no emotional support or comfort. She felt distant and removed from him. They tried date nights but were unsuccessful. Any attempt to communicate made her feel further away. When husband and wife no longer talk, the sense of loneliness is magnified. “I don’t feel safe with him,” she claimed. “I live a life almost separate from my husband , and my children and I do our own thing.” In our session, we immediately looked to her past for answers. She recalled memories of her father, a powerful and prestigious man. He had a large presence that filled the room and portrayed confidence in all of his ventures. He spent most of his time in the office, and on the rare occasions she saw him, he would shrug her away. As a child, she craved time and attention from her father, but he had no time for her or for demonstrations of love in her direction.

As an adult, her beliefs became:

  “My father doesn’t have time for me.”   “I’m not important.”   ” I’m not loved.”   “I’m not worthy of love.”   “I don’t matter.”     “If I let myself be who I really am, I won’t be loved.” Her mother was insecure and depressed in the relationship, never wanting to attend the events her husband demanded of her, but she upheld the perfect wife routine for as long as she could. Eventually, after the death of a close family member, her parents divorced. During her middle school years, they moved in with more family members and she only saw her dad once a year. She remembers the constant criticisms of her father by her mother, and the anger that never subsided even into her mother’s older years. Eventually she was able to tap into the unconscious and self-sabotaging beliefs about herself and about her worthiness in love. She was able to move from identities of insignificant, stupid, invisible, transparent, unworthy, unentertaining, dull, and small to those that recognized and supported her value, intelligence, worthiness, personality and greatness as a woman. She realized it was okay to be herself and that self-acceptance, when fully embraced, is enough to move us into new heights. In no time, her appearance changed to express more happiness, she felt physically stronger, more connected and more in touch with her husband. The sores she had complained about, and that had been bothering her for months, were entirely gone. Rather than turning away from the man she love, she felt confident and safe while reaching out to him. “It’s like magic!” she exclaimed, about the sudden, positive shifts in her life. Tapping into forgotten beliefs and releasing them can feel like magic. When your father is too busy to spend time with you, your husband might be the same, simply because that is the programming with which you were parented or the programming he received about husband behavior from his own father. Your belief system is so ingrained, that it literally creates the life it has experienced repeatedly until it is spotlighted, and you accept new and empowering beliefs!