The Attitude Doc- Weekly Life Change Lessons

Could it be that maybe my husband and I are fortunate to inherit some longtime marriage genes? My in-laws did their dance together for close to seventy-two years and my folks almost fifty. I wonder if they changed as much over that period of time as I saw in myself.

I hardly recognize the woman who tied the knot 42 years ago. There are many who would say Gene has been close to a saint to have endured my antics that contributed to bumps in the road, and I would agree. Although I’ve changed my attitude over the years, the quest to know myself has only grown with intensity. And because of it, I wasn’t always easy to live with either. The search for self-realization can be somewhat tumultuous. I was blessed to be a stay at home mom and play an active part in our children’s day-to-day activities, while my husband took the traditional role of being a provider. It also gave me the opportunity to pursue my spiritual goals.

So what is the glue that held our marriage together so long? The answers will surface as we explore the subject with a broad brush. Faithfulness is a strong component of long-term marriage. It’s not to say the temptation hasn’t surfaced, but for us, we never acted on it. Sure it sounded exciting and romantic, but there are consequences to everything we do—everything. Shared history became something that connected us at a deep level and to this day, deepens. Family ties are strong, regardless of differences of opinions and beliefs. We are family. We have come from family and we’ve created family. There is a touching story in Attitudes, Beliefs and Choices with regard to my father’s wish for his four daughters spoken to us at the conclusion of a nostalgic trip to his birthplace in Greece. Communication is certainly one of, if not the biggest key ingredients in growing a successful long-term marriage. With each passing anniversary it was evident that we were starting to share a mutual intention to be at peace within ourselves, regardless of circumstances. Happiness is a choice, as Barry Kaufman wrote in his book, of the same name: “As long as a couple can have open and honest communication, their problems will be small ones.” This truth came from a newspaper article that has yellowed over time, but still deserves a place on my bulletin board. It wasn’t always that way for us, but from a traditional relationship we continue to evolve into what Gary Zukav refers to as “spiritual partnership.”

We have learned that by employing our gift of free will, we are either in pain and suffering, or we are at peace. Although I have been the one to passionately pursue my spirituality, Gene has not only been a supportive husband, but a kind, respectful and understanding friend. Granted this kind of determination to be all you can be and to know your self can result in a shaky relationship. Again it can be embraced through the true art of communication.

We will continue to mature individually and together, which will just strengthen and beautify our relationship. As we each remember our true essence we can more easily see that in the other. In knowing we are a soul, and have an ego, we develop our compassion for our fellowman/woman and jointly care about doing service in the world. We continue to learn from each other about doing and being, reason and feeling, mind and heart. It’s actually quite a fascinating experience.

The word “commitment” has difficulty rolling off the tongues of many, but it has seemed to be a significant factor is allowing us to overcome adversity and the challenges that have occurred over the years. This particular journey has just worked for us. But for others maybe another path is more appropriate. I know of a woman who remarried and said, “this is what it’s suppose to be like.” Another couple I know of has a 33 year age difference in their marriage. So who’s to say? It’s whatever works. When we each know our truth, the form doesn’t make a lot of difference. We live with a mutual respect and honor. We all have our unique journey. “This is one ‘shrink’ who doesn’t give advice.”

I relax and let go of all concepts that no longer serve my highest good. In so doing, I trust my life to unfold perfectly, no matter what conditions exist. As I seek first to connect with and establish the relationship with myself, I notice how it naturally extends to others. I draw to my life the ideal situations and individuals that support this purpose.

Monitor your thoughts for any that put bonds on your ability to manifest. Even a seemingly insignificant one that questions your resolve to live in-Spirit represents an energy vibration that inhibits you from creating your desires.

-Wayne Dyer, Inspiration: Your Ultimate Calling

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Any advice contained herein or from The Attitude Doc, Alexandra Delis-Abrams, Ph.D., represents the opinions of same, the author/owner of the website, and is intended for the purposes of encouraging self-exploration and personal evolution. The Attitude Doc website, Alexandra Delis-Abrams, Ph.D., articles, and any information contained herein, should be considered supplementary to and not a substitute for advice you may have received from another professional.