P.O. Box 2377 – Coeur d’Alene, ID – 83816-2377 (208) 762-3177
Would you like to make the romance in your relationship
effortless and natural again?
So the romance has faded in your relationship? Well, the good news is that you are not alone. Even Rhett and Scarlet had their less-than-sexy moments. Most relationships have their dry spells. Romance dissipates when tension mounts. The trick is to find out the source of this tension, so that the romance will pour forth like Old Faithful.
This takes some detective work. Don your hat and get out your magnifying glass. Are you willing to look at the situation truthfully? When did things start to “drizzle”? What was going on in each of your lives at the time?
After taking some time with those questions, be willing to let go of any blame – of yourself or of your mate. Remember, in reality, there is no way to change the other person. You must begin with yourself. If these statements make you snicker, good! Your resistance is surfacing. It may not look like it, but resistance is your friend. It’s like a red flag. Pay attention to your resistance. (Wondering why resistance is useful? In just five days transform resistance into acceptance and free up your life’s energy for real progress – including revving up you romance, work or personal goals.)
Now you’re ready to do the real work.
1. Feel what you are feeling. Maybe you are angry at your mate. Maybe you feel ugly or sad or inadequate. Perhaps you feel betrayed by the loss of romance. What are YOU feeling? Your feelings hold the keys to the doors of truth, and when you open these doors, a new world is presented to you. If romance is strained, then there is a message there for you and your mate. It is a chance to IMPROVE your relationship, an opportunity to go deeper with your mate. Look at the situation from a new perspective. There is a reason this is happening, but if you want the situation to change, you must make a choice to change your attitude and your beliefs.
2. Did you feel whatever it is you are feeling? Now, feel the feeling even more. Exaggerate it. Whatever the feeling is, let it come forth in all its ugliness and beauty. What images come up for you? Are there any words or specific situations? Trust what comes. Remember that these feelings could be residue from something that happened in a past relationship, even one from childhood. If nothing comes, fine. If the feeling begins to wane, fine. Whatever is, is. Let the feeling know that you recognize it, that you know it is there, and that you are taking care of it.
3. Get in touch with what you want from this relationship. When you feel ready, take a pen and some paper and write down your thoughts about what you just experienced. Then write down what you want from your mate romantically. This could be physically, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually. Decorate it with hearts and cupids if you feel so moved. We are all unique beings with different desires and needs. This exercise is for you.
It is a known fact that we all have different ideas of what romance is. Do you know what your partner finds romantic? If so, then make the effort to fulfill your partner’s romantic desires. If not, ask! Remember, a pianist, no matter how talented he or she may be, must still practice! Only with effort will your romance become effortless once again. Only with a conscious desire to change the situation will it begin to unfold in the way you want it too.
Sometimes this may mean stepping out of your box, breaking your routine, or taking a risk. After all, I’ve never heard of boredom breeding romance. Suggest tango lessons or a trip to a nearby bed and breakfast or even a Sunday drive! A shift needs to occur in the relationship for the romance to start flowing again.
So break the dams of routine and see what happens. Do the work and see what happens. Embarrass yourself a little, even. Create a little laughter, and you create a lot of love. And above all, have fun!